Speaker: Greg Sanders

Passage: Titus 2:1-15

BECOMING THE HOUSEHOLDS OF GOD: TITUS 2:1-15

All right, if you have your Bibles, let’s go back to Titus 2. We’re in verse 1 of chapter 2. “But as for you, promote the kind of living that reflects right teaching.” Again, reminding us that what Paul’s doing here is he’s saying the way you live tells me what you know. 

“Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, to live wisely. They must have strong faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that is appropriate for someone serving the Lord. They must not go around speaking evil of others, and must not be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and to be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then, they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely in all they do.” 

We spent about three or four weeks going through this passage, really talking about what it means to become the households of God. What do I mean by that? I mean that the Lord has a way He wants us to live in our homes. He has a perspective on who we should be as men and as women. 

And so, Paul teaching Titus, I love where he jumps off and says, “Promote the kind of living that reflects right teaching.” So, our job in the church is to take this and ask the question: does my lifestyle reflect right teaching? Am I living correctly? 

So, we looked at this, and I think there’s always a concern when we study something that is this counter-cultural and this aggressive: it’s easy to look at it, to see it, and then to walk away. Anybody ever notice that? Where you’ll listen to it, and in that first week, you’re like, Whoa. Those things were really heavy in my heart. But then we move away from it, and it dulls a little bit, we quit thinking about it. 

So, what I wanted to do was let it sit and percolate a little bit. If you know what that is, you know coffee makers, where the grounds kind of hang out in the water, and that’s how you get the coffee out of it? 

I wanted to just sit in our hearts for a few weeks and then come back to it and challenge us as a people to do more than just listen to it. What I want to challenge us as a people is as older men, older women, younger men, younger women, to actually take ourselves through an evaluation, to look at the things that Paul teaches and ask this question: am I living those correctly? 

Is my life lining up with the Scripture? And where it’s not, am I willing to make things right? Am I willing to repent? Am I willing to seek restoration with those that I may be wrong towards? Am I really willing to do the work as a disciple to allow my life to be shaped by the Scriptures? 

The Scriptures are given so they shape our lives. We are to be transformed by them. We don’t just become transformed by them by hearing them. We become transformed by them from applying them. It’s good to hear them, not a bad thing. 

And I would offer that the hearing is supposed to be kind of like the hook that gets set in our hearts and we find ourselves going, Oh, that’s what it’s supposed to be like when I’m not lining up with that. I’m going to go sit with the Lord, dig in, and do the work to allow those things to be transformed. 

PAUL’S INSTRUCTIONS TO MEN

So, I want to take us through what Paul was saying first. I’m going to start with the guys. Men, the first thing that Paul’s going to say is that we are to exercise self-control. What’s he talking about? You’re to evaluate, as a man, evaluate your sobriety in life. Does anything have control over you? That’s Paul’s statement to men, older men, you need to be willing to do the assessment. Does anything have control over you other than Jesus? 

In other words, are your appetites under the authority of Jesus? What does that mean? Well, let’s put real skin on it. It means I want to go look at pornography, and I pause, and I ask the Lord, Can I do this? Is this okay with You? That’s what it means to put your appetites under the authority of Heaven. 

Hey, I want to go grab some alcohol and drink too much and get lit. Hey, Lord, is that okay with You? That’s what it means to put your appetites under control. It means the Lord has the final say in our appetite index. We’re not letting anything that’s in us drive us. We’re letting Him call the shots in it. 

The second thing Paul will say to men is to be worthy of respect. Guys, the question that we have to ask ourself is, does my life reveal integrity? Is your life easy to respect and to follow? 

There’s a phrase that we talked about when we taught this, and I kind of hate it: are you living in a way that lets those in your care know what it feels like to be close to Jesus when they’re around you? Is the answer, Man, it just feels like I’m with the Lord? 

The third thing men are called to is to live wisely, and it really means that we are called to weigh our life decisions and impulses for wisdom and for the outcome. Guys, I want to remind us we are to live with this question on our mind: will this decision lead me where Jesus wants me to go? 

Think about business. If you’re like, Hey, I could kind of go into the gray area here and maybe just cheat a touch, does that lead me where Jesus wants me to go? Well, nobody might lead me where I want to go. That’s a different question. 

We are to weigh our life decisions with that question: does it lead me where Jesus wants me to go? I would ask it this way: are your daily choices under the authority of Jesus? Is He in control? 

What happens if I screw it up? I would say that if you screw up a daily choice and instantly you feel the sense of, Oh, I shouldn’t have done that, that’s a good thing. That means your heart’s tender to the Lord. And the right answer in that moment is to push pause and go, Lord, I failed You in that moment. Please forgive me. Let’s make this right. 

The one that I think Paul says is the most difficult: he says men must have strong faith and be filled with love and patience. What’s he mean by that? That men are to have their belief in Jesus drive how they love others and how they endure difficulty. 

In other words, guys, we are not loving the people around us, and we’re not staying in the fight because the circumstances draw it out of us. We’re loving others, and we’re staying in the fight because we’re living from the other side. We’re drawing love from Him. We’re drawing endurance from Him. And so, we show up. 

And the statement is, I’m not here based on your behavior towards me, and I’m not here based on the situation. I’m here based on His calling. And so, there’s no such thing as quit. There’s no such thing in Kingdom men, where we run out of love. 

I love what’s hardwired in this. If men are called to live here, what that means, men, is that we have available to us an unlimited resource to go get it. That His answer is, Anytime you call on Me and say, I need Your strength to endure this, I need Your love to stay in this, His answer is, Yes, I told you to do it. I’m going to give you what you need to do it. 

So, when we’re in a situation without it, it’s only because we refuse to go get it. Are you loving those in your care from His storehouse, or are you loving from your abilities and your desires? 

The hardest question there is: are you staying in difficulty because of your covenant with Him? Because too often, we want to run away from difficulty because it doesn’t feel good. But reality is, we’re called to stay in those things because of our love for Him. 

And we wrapped all that up, guys, with this reminder out of Romans 13: to instead clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ, and don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires. 

And the question is: are there any places in our lives that we’re making room for the flesh? Is my flesh leading me anywhere? And if it is, that needs to be put under control? 

PAUL’S INSTRUCTIONS TO WOMEN

Ladies, Paul has a lot to say to women. He breaks it into two halves: older women, younger women. His statement to older women: “Teach the older women similarly.” He’s saying in the same way you taught the men– which is to give the truth of here’s how you’re supposed to live– teach the older women to live in a way that is appropriate for someone serving the Lord. 

“They must not go around speaking evil of others, and must not be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, and to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then, they will not bring shame on the word of God.” He has a lot to say to women, the list is a lot longer. I won’t apologize for it, because Paul did it. 

The first four things he says to older women, that women are to live with every behavior reflecting Jesus. Live in a way that’s appropriate as one serving the Lord. Every behavior reflects Jesus. 

So, the question that we have to ask, ladies, is: are there any areas of your life, speech, or attitudes that don’t reflect Jesus? And if you find the answer being yes, the corollary answer can’t be, Well, that’s just who I am. 

The answer has to be, Okay, I’m going to put that under control because I am a disciple, and I don’t get the right to keep that because I’m crucified with Christ. Yet I live this life. I don’t live according to me. I live it according to every word that comes out of his mouth. 

The second thing is, women are to be careful to guard against critical slander, using their words to build, not tear down. The word critical slander here is linked to the accuser, diablos is the root. It’s linked to the enemy. And Paul’s statement is: women, you have to get rid of that from your language. 

So, the questions: are there any areas of your speech that are guilty of being critical or slandering? Are there any places you’ve used your words to tear down instead of build up? 

And if the answer is yes, then we repent for those. We go back, we make amends. If you’ve used your words to tear someone down, go fix it. Well, I don’t want to do that, because then I have to admit I was wrong. Yes, that’s true, but there is no path towards restoration if we’re not willing to admit fault. 

The third thing Paul says to women is they’re to manage their alcohol intake with moderation. He talks very specifically about alcohol. We talked about it when we taught this: alcohol is not sin; drunkenness is. And Paul’s statement is: you are to live in moderation with it. 

So, the question is really simple: is your relationship to alcohol in proper moderation? If you’re drinking enough that you get enough of a buzz that you can disconnect emotionally from your family, that’s sin. If you’re using alcohol for that reason, you got to repent because it’s not the way we’re called to use it. It’s just that simple. 

You’re like, Yeah, but I like it. I get it, but it’s still not okay. I would offer that you being present in your home is a big deal, based on what Paul’s going to keep teaching. And when we use something to numb our senses, we’re not present, and we can’t be who we’re supposed to be. You can’t be life-giving if you’re dumbed down. 

The fourth thing Paul says to older women is they are to put on display what is good, inviting others to learn from them. So, the question is: are you actively creating goodness around you? And would those near you agree and be able to describe the goodness you’re creating? 

Paul seems to teach it as if older women are to live in a way that when you look at their life, you’re like, Man, there’s just all this goodness surrounding her. It’s like everything she touches, you can tell she’s, like, using a paintbrush to make it better. 

Ladies, have you ever wondered– especially those of you that are married– have you ever wondered why you feel like you’re the only one that sees detail? Have you ever had this thought cross your mind, like, Why can’t guys see this stuff? Like, is he blind? 

What happens if there’s a supernatural reality that God gave you a gift to see the things that need to be finished and completed, and He didn’t give it to you to complain about, He gave it to you to complete, to where you’re supposed to be able to take that goodness paintbrush that he’s talking about and fix the situation because that’s something you bring to the equation that’s uniquely you as a woman. Just a thought. 

Paul will go on and talk about how older women, they have a secondary job that men didn’t get assigned to, which is really interesting. He says to younger men: you’re to live wisely. You’re to learn to live with this question, younger men: is this decision going to lead me towards Jesus? Is it going to lead me where I wanna go?

But to younger women, he says to older women, you’re to teach them how to do this. In other words, they need an example to learn from. If I’m being Paul, his assumption is that older women already are doing these things, therefore, they can teach them. And that list is: they are to be affectionately friendly with their husbands and children. 

Paul will use two words here that he doesn’t use anywhere else, and I want to describe what those are. He’s talking about being lovingly affectionate and friendly in the home, creating a culture that is both affectionate and friendly. And he puts that on women to do. 

So, the questions are: are you initiating regular affection with your husband? Now, if your answer is, No, because if I do, he won’t leave me alone, that’s the wrong answer. I would love to offer that that’s kind of the way God intended it. That you are to be initiating regular affection with your husband. You are to be actively affectionate with your children. 

Paul places this on the Church as the call and standard that women are to live, with younger women to live with wisdom and purity. The word here means to be in control of your senses and your emotions. 

It means to not allow your emotions to lead you, to not allow your sensibilities to lead you, that those things, while being wonderful servants, are terrible masters. And you are to be in control of them, laying them at the feet of Jesus and asking Him what you get to walk out, what you get to enact, and what you don’t. 

I would say one of the second questions there is, are you allowing any flesh in your thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors? And if so, put it to rest. Paul will go on and say the older women are to teach younger women to be keepers of the home. 

Does that mean I’m not supposed to have a job? I’m supposed to stay home? No, that’s not what that means. The word is a managerial word here, and it means to be actively engaged in caring for or managing the home. 

I would say the simplest way to understand it is it’s never okay to say, They’re not my problem. It’s not my problem. It’s never okay to say, I got a job. It’s not my problem. Paul’s statement is: this is what the call of God is on women, to be actively engaged in caring for managing the home. If any of your answers in this is, Well, that’s not fair, take it up with the Lord because this is what the Scriptures teach. 

The fourth thing that Paul will say that women are to do is to actively be good. Really interesting word. It means to bring a good constitution to the table. It’s not just doing good, it’s actually being good. 

So, the question we ask is this: are you daily choosing to be of a good constitution in nature, to be pleasant, to be joyful, to be happy, to be agreeable, and useful towards your family and others? 

That’s a tough list. That means I daily wake up and decide it’s my responsibility to put on a good attitude. My bad attitude can’t be blamed on somebody else. But you don’t know how dumb they are. I get it. Paul’s statement is you are to be of a good constitution. 

I would offer that when you learn to live this way, it’s possible to say, I’m not going to give you the room to change where I’m at. I’m going to be good, I’m going to be kind, I’m going to be agreeable. Agreeable. What an interesting word. We’re going to deal more in Titus 3 with this idea because it’s a big concept in what Paul teaches in 3. 

And then lastly, he says older women are to teach younger women to be submissive to their husbands. And it’s just this awful word that we hate. Submission just means to voluntarily come under authority. 

Ladies, what it really means is God gave you man as head of the house. You don’t align under him because of who he is, you align unto him because of how God set it up. And your response pattern to him is less about him and more about your relationship with the Lord than anything else. 

But I would say, if you could remember this question, ask this question of yourself: am I easy to lead? Am I voluntarily surrendered to my husband? Or do I put a line in the sand? Like, If you do it right, I’ll follow you, because that’s the contrary of this concept. 

Now, I had a friend when we taught this, who came up to me and said, I’ve never been happier to be single. I’m like, I get it. This is a hard line. 

ASSESSING OURSELVES

These are the things that Paul is talking about to men and to women. I would offer that too often, we, as the Church, take our cues for how to live in the home from the world, instead of the Scriptures. 

Titus is wild in its ability to say to the Church, This is the standard that your houses should look like. I would offer a thought that Paul, if he comes to Fort Collins and he says, I want to visit your home, that’s the list he’s expecting to see. And if he doesn’t see it, he’s going to say, Hey, guys, we got to coach this up a bit. You’re missing the mark in several places. 

Why does it matter if I miss the mark? Because blessing and favor are connected to this. What the Lord wants to do in your life, in our lives, in our city, in our region, is connected to us, learning how to live this way. 

So, I want to ask you, there’s a QR code on the chairs in front of you. And if you scan that QR code, this questionnaire will be there. There’s one for men, one for women. It takes you to a Google Drive. I want to ask you, guys, click on men. Please don’t click on the wifes’ one, and then hold your wife responsible for it. Let her and Jesus deal with that. 

For all of us, older, younger, click on this. Take yourself this week through this questionnaire. Get a piece of paper out and sit with the Lord and ask, of yourself and of Him, how am I doing in these areas? And if there’s things that need to be repented of, repent. If there’s relationship stuff you gotta go ask forgiveness for, then do it. Let’s fix this and start becoming the people God’s called us to be. 

Here’s where it gets difficult: a lot of times, in our stubbornness and in our sin, we step into life patterns. It’s going to take an awful lot of humility to walk out of some. Are you just really good at giving silent treatment? You’re not very affectionate, and you got to go, sit down, and go, I have been in sin because I haven’t been affectionate towards you. Will you please forgive me? You’re like, I will not. Well, that’s what the Scriptures say to do.

Guys, maybe your answer is, Hey, I’ve been a terrible leader. I’ve been scared to upset you, so I’ve just been afraid to lead at all. I would tell you, you’re still leading. You’re not leading well, and you got to repent for that. You have to be willing to ask forgiveness for that. 

This is where the rubber meets the road. And the question is, do you really want to follow Jesus or not? Because this is what Paul says it looks like for the people of God to follow the Lord. 

You’re like, Well, I’m not married. Great. Then a lot of these things are easier for you, but there’s still a bunch of them that apply. Maybe you’re here and you’re like, You know what? My marriage blew up. I got divorced. I would love to challenge you to sit with the Lord and say, Hey, can You walk me through places I should have done better there so I can at least repent for those? Let’s not be proud. Let’s be humble enough to invite the Lord to deal with our hearts.